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This will be my only public post about this on this LJ, and I've already said all I'm going to say on my f-list.
I have a lot to be thankful for, but there's one thing I have given thanks for privately for many years, but never publicly: that I am an ex-Scientologist. I was in from 1978 to 1989, and I've been leaving ever since. I felt I broke faith in November, 1989, so this is my 20th anniversary, yet this is the first day I feel like I can say I'm actually an ex.
I want you to understand why I'm thankful.
I'm thankful that my thoughts are no longer recorded in privileged confessions that, later on, will be pried out of me in non-privileged ways so they can be plastered in gold on the staff notice board to control me, or posted publicly in other contexts to discredit and humiliate me. So many of us felt that this was a coincidence, but Aaron Saxton's 7-part series on YouTube is what made it clear to me that this was intentional and routine.
I'm thankful that I never joined the Sea Org -- in fact, I lied and said I was unqualified when I wasn't -- so that I didn't have experiences like Jeff Hawkins (his story's online and is pretty amazing), Nancy Many (who was ordered to live in a large garage with fumes while pregnant, of all things, and later went on to have a psychotic break while being coerced to falsely confess things), or Marc Headley (who was run off the road while trying to escape), or was put in a position where I had to do unspeakable things or coerce others to do them like Aaron talks about. Nancy and Marc's books are both available in Kindle versions if you're inclined, and Marc's has the better narrative, but Nancy's is the more terrifying. For you novelists on my f-list, they're all pretty interesting narratives regardless of how you feel about the subject. They go to very dark places beyond where most commercial novels go.
I'm extremely thankful to each and every member of Anonymous who has worked to expose the abuses and raise awareness, no matter how much I may disagree with specific actions of some members. I have only just come to realize how much your love bombing is perfect. May there be caek, love, and happiness in all your lives. In particular, the organization of Why We Protest has been very helpful.
I'm thankful to Emma, who's created Ex Scientologist Message Board, a place where people who were in Scientology (and are out to varying degrees of out) have a place to sort out how they feel and connect with former colleagues as actual friends.
In particular, I'm thankful that people who had experiences much worse than my own have the courage and venue to speak about them. I'm particularly thankful for Aaron coming out and speaking about what he himself did; most stories of ex-Scns seem to be about what happened to them. Many of us were wheels in a cog, and didn't really have any power (or pressure) to be abusive, so we just muddled along, like I did.
Aaron, though, some of what's coming out is chilling. Here's a four part radio interview he did in the last few days: part 1, part 2, part 3, and part 4.
From part 2:
I received a letter yesterday from a mother who has not been able to talk [with] or see her daughter for eight years in the Sea Org because every time her daughter tries to get leave, they always do a secur--, this interrogation on her and they find out she's got a doubt about being in the Sea Org so they won't let her leave. She [the mother] wrote a letter and asked me how can she help. I had to write this woman back and say not only that I wanted to help, I had to confess to her that it was ME that ordered her to disconnect from her own mum.
Her own daughter! It was ME.
The email response I got back was just after hours of tears from her going, "how could you have done that? To my daughter? She was beautiful."
And I answered her back saying, "I know. I'm terribly sorry." [Aaron starts to break down on the air.] From part 4: It dawns on me, I'm reading these [non-Scientology] books, and I realize the word "love" didn't even appear in the thousands of Flag Orders and Policy Letters that I read, and it dawned on me that it was never about--, this man Ron Hubbard never loved, the Sea Org never--, it was never part of their policy to do this. The words "hate" and "enemy" were mentioned everywhere. Some people I knew when I was in do not have that experience every day. Some have been through the same hell. Some have disappeared, and I don't know if they're just hiding out, if they're actually alive (there are people who seem to have gone missing and are feared dead, and there are mysterious bodies that have been found but remained unidentified), and there are people who desperately want to leave but feel they can't. So if you are so inclined, on Thanksgiving, I'd appreciate a prayer, or thought, or perhaps some deed that will help. - If you know someone who has disconnected from you over Scientology, write them that you love them.
- If you know someone who is in and is considering getting out, any of the above links in this post may help them.
- Prayers or thoughts that everyone who is in and wishes to get out will get the opportunity to get out, and soon.
- Prayers or thoughts that mothers will no longer be pressured into aborting, couples will no longer be pressured into splitting, and people will no longer be sent to the RPF (prison camp within the Sea Org).
- Prayers or thoughts that Aaron is able to help undo some of what he did, and that he will be effective in helping. He's looking at being criminally prosecuted, but he cares more about speaking out about injustice.
- If you are so inclined as to join Anonymous in some context, even if it's not as a protestor, they would love to have you.
I have parents who care about me, two cats, a husband, a decent place to live, decent food to eat, a bunch of friends, and all that I require. I'm happy that I now live in a context where love is available all around me. And, most of all, spread love around -- to anyone -- and be thankful your life is different. NB: Yes, I realize this post may mean I get a Suppressive Person declare, and if the CoS sees fit to do so, feel free to mail it to me. I'd be happy to get it framed.
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Here.
"He found that scientists who had studied the brains of MS patients had noticed higher levels of iron in their brain, not accounted for by age. The iron deposits had a unique pattern, often forming in the core of the brain, clustered around the veins that normally drain blood from the head. No one had ever fully explained this phenomenon, considering the excess iron a toxic byproduct of the MS itself.
Dr. Zamboni wondered if the iron came from blood improperly collecting in the brain. Using Doppler ultrasound, he began examining the necks of MS patients and made an extraordinary finding. Almost 100 per cent of the patients had a narrowing, twisting or outright blockage of the veins that are supposed to flush blood from the brain. He then checked these veins in healthy people, and found none of these malformations. "
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So far as I'm aware, none of the trans people I've known have been the victims of violence, fatal or otherwise.
That said, violence against transgendered and transsexual people does happen, and I would like it to not happen.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) rozk wrote a beautiful post. I haven't been feeling well enough to think of something to say myself.
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First Impressions
The freely admit that this was an impulse buy. I found it on sale at such a great price that I could not walk away from it despite the fact that it is a demonstrator and I generally hate demonstrators. Still, when I opened up the box I was instantly attracted to the pen
Appearance
This pen is small, there is no denying that, but the blue color of the plastic is very attractive. In my opinion, it helps class the pen up a bit. If it were just clear plastic I think it would look quite cheap. I also appreciate the silver-colored furniture. I find gold trim positively revolting except when it is on a vintage black pen. Some have described the plastic as “cheap looking,” and I don’t entirely disagree, but considering the price of this pen I can get over it. ;)
Design/Size/Weight
The dimensions of this pen are as follows: 4 7/8” capped, 5 7/8” posted, and 4 3/4” unposted. This pen is quite small and incredibly light weighing in at about 1/2 oz. (16-17g) inked to capacity!
The design of the pen is simple. It does not vary from the rest of the M2xx line except in terms of finishes. This is not a design that excites me, but it is functional. As one would expect from Pelikan, the pen is well constructed. Despite it’s plasticy-ness (new word?!) it feels quite solid. I don’t feel as though I have to handle this pen with great care.
One thing I don’t like is that I have to post the cap. If I don’t, this small pen is not comfortable in the hand. With the cap posted the pen feels well-balanced.
Nib
This pen has a fine nib on it. This was not my choice. This was the only option available to me at the price I paid. The M205 uses the same steel nib as the M215. It is available in XF, F, M, and B. This steel fine nib is springy and quite smooth though still a little tactile on the page. Out of the box, the nib wrote a bit dry, but I adjusted the flow a little and now it is fairly juicy. I’m surprised at how much I’m liking this nib now.
I’m not a big fan of fine nibs, so I was going to send it to Chartpak for an exchange. However, I’ve decided to keep this nib. I figure I need a good fine nib and I can always buy a replacement for $30. I can even spring for a Binder Stub (.8mm) for $50.
Filling System
Now, this is the real reason I bought this pen. This little guy is a piston filler and I wanted another one for my little accumulation. The more I use them the more I realize that the piston filling system is my favorite of all. As others have noted, the Pelikan filling system is quite smooth in operation and boy does it suck! (which is a good thing for FPs) This pen holds about 2ml. of ink, which combined with the fine nib, makes for quite a lot of writing between fills. I have nothing bad to say!
Cost and Value
You can find these online for anything from $95 to $75. If you are in the market for a used one you might be able for find one in the $60 range. I’d say this is a pretty good buy even at $90, but if you can find it for $60 you’ll really have an excellent bargain on your hands.
Conclusion (9/10, A-)
While I didn’t expect it, I think I quite like this little pen. I can see this fitting right into my rotation as a great school and annotation pen especially with this great ink capacity. I’d certainly recommend this pen to anyone looking for an inexpensive, practical, and functional piston filling pen.
The perspective is a little wonky in this photo. The M205 is about the same size as the Esterbrook J next to it. Both are dwarfed by the Levenger Plumpster.
No Affil.
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Liked it a lot, but didn't love it as much as the first. Still, roumagrl has been with me for four! RPattz! leading! roles! and this one was no exception.
I will see it again, but not quite an embarrassingly large number of times as the first one.
1. Third time's the charm. Three times is a running gag. Five is right out. (Some elements were repeated too often for unfortunate comedic effect among some viewers, and I'm a saint for not beaning them with my handbag, but it had expensive pens inside.)
2. I missed Carter Burwell (the score composer) the most.
3. Okay, I lied. I missed Nancy Richardson the most. That woman had the editorial razor going full bore. Twilight's timing was crisp. From titles up to introducing all but two main players to central problem in eleven minutes flat.
4. I seriously wanted a one-word line after the last line.
5. My favorite line was in the movie (albeit in a contextually-altered form). It was a car-related line, if that helps.
6. Dakota Fanning rules the world.
7. Michael Sheen's Aro? DO NOT WANT to meet in a dark alley. Seriously creepy, and in a good way.
8. Hill towns of Tuscany FTW. I will use my Stipula Volterra tomorrow. :D
9. Catherine Hardwicke is better at creating intimate scenes, but this movie really wasn't about those.
10. Rick pointed out it had none of the visual poetry of the first film (and didn't use its location to the same effect).
Please keep your comments spoiler free. (Screening comments for that reason)
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Here's how chronic pain and opiates form a nasty feedback loop.
1. You're in pain, and your glial cells help your neurons out by taking over the pain cheerleading functions. (Really, that's their job. They're a pain megaphone. This is why splinters and paper cuts hurt so much.)
2. You're in pain long enough to take opiates.
3. The opiates don't make the glial cells stabilize. (In normal, non-chronic pain, glial cells would.)
4. Over continued use, opiates activate more glial cells.
5. Glial cells block the opiate receptors, so the opiates don't work as well, but the glial cells are still going, "I'm in pain!"
6. More opiates consumed.
7. Lather, rinse, repeat.
[reduction from Nov 2009 Scientific American article, pp. 50-57]
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I haven't really talked about how I came to be diagnosed as celiac, nor the frustrations I went through along the way, nor how serious the disease can be for some people.
My story is less dramatic than many.
Unlike someone I know, I wasn't diagnosed with anemia of unknown origin and in the hospital getting two units of blood.
Unlike someone else I know, I wasn't losing weight to the point of danger, anemic for unknown reasons, throwing up almost any food, and pooh-poohed because they thought I was bulemic. (I'm kind of proud for pointing out the root cause and helping heal that person.)
Unlike a third person I know, I wasn't going into seizures after eating.
When I was 11, my father sent me to a psychologist. It seems that whenever I visited my mother's house, I'd have gastrointestinal issues a couple of days later. I'm still pissed off that they never apparently consulted my family doctor about this.
When I was 16 and my father was gone for the weekend, I had incredible stomach pain and called up a family friend to take me to the ER. That was terrifying. I was left in an ER room with absolutely nothing done for me other than saying it'd pass and that I had gastroenteritis. I had elevated white blood cell counts, a common finding for me, but they thought I had an infection.
I had it two more times before turning 18, and I've had it, on average, once or twice a year since then.
Then there was the stupid attempt to go vegetarian and eat a lot of wheat bran. I think that lasted for a few weeks before it became obvious that it was a Really Bad Idea.
I don't recall mentioning any of the above to my family doctor. I didn't have a lot of money, and I tended to go when I did things like break bones, sprain ankles, and infections. I remember having pneumonia when I was in my 20s. Stuff like that.
So the fact that celiac disease was overlooked was two-fold: 1) I probably didn't mention useful details to my doctor on the rare times I visited; 2) I was in a faith that frowned upon chronic illness and thus I would not have even admitted to myself that I was chronically ill at that time.
After I left said faith and moved to the east coast, I found a great family doctor in Vermont, Dr. William Birge, who helped me figure out several long-term conditions: celiac disease, fibromyalgia, and depression.
It wasn't that easy, though. I'd already figured out I was probably celiac, and so we did a blood test and elimination diet to confirm (later, more intrusive tests followed). I can't remember how I came across the information about it. I'd never heard of celiac disease until I was in my thirties. I just happened across it in a search for something else, read about it, and tucked it away.
When something about barley was posted on usenet, I said that it wouldn't be a good idea if someone were celiac -- and someone who read that figured out that they were celiac and wrote me, thanking me. That was in late 1996.
I still wasn't ready to go gluten-free, but I did make a point of reducing wheat consumption. I was finally diagnosed in 1997 when my whole life fell apart after my first husband's death.
Even after 12-1/2 years on a gluten free diet (with some slip ups, not all of which were accidental), I still struggle with it every day.
I'm thinking of it today, because the last few yoga classes I've had seem to have focused on twists, which has had my innards objecting somewhat. Yet, they feel like they're working out some nasty disease afterward as my whole body feels both more healed and more ill.
I wound up spending a lot of time in bed over the weekend from this, and I'm wondering how much longer I'll get these effects from the yoga class, because I'd really like to be well enough to manage two classes a week again. Or three.
One can hope.
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It's been a while since I've done a review, but I've been swamped with work. It takes time to put these things together; time I have not had of late. HOWEVER, since I was able to get my hands on a bottle of Noodler's Bad Blue Heron, I thought I might as well put a review up.
I bought this ink because a. someone on FPN described it as looking like the Crayola Cerulean crayon and that was always my favorite color in the box b. this is a darker bulletproof ink and I've been looking for one of those. I have not been disappointed.
Firstly the color. This ink does look a bit like Cerulean crayons when it is wet, but it dries to a very attractive dark blue with hints of green and maybe turquoise. It might even be described as a blue-black. It's difficult to capture the color of this ink in pictures, but I've done my best.
Pros:
No feathering
No Bleed through
Excellent flow
Good lubrication
Some good shading depending on your nib and paper
It's not just bulletproof, it's part of the Warden Ink series. It is the most fraud resistant ink available. (see comp. below)
Comes in a 3 oz. bottle
No nib creep.
Cons:
It has that trademark chemical odor that can down right knock you over if you sniff the bottle.
It sticks to the nib and can be a pain to clean off.
Now about this sticking business. This was a bit off putting at first. When I first got the bottle I dip tested it with a dip pen. This ink dried on the dip pen nib and it was really hard to wipe off. This made me nervous. So, I put it in a Sheaffer's Cartridge pen. I did not have the same sticking problem. After having it in that pen for a few days I switched it over to my Levenger Plumpster. I didn't have any problems rinsing the Sheaffer clean, and I can't find any evidence of ink still stuck on the nib. It's been in the Plumpster for several days now and I haven't had any problems at all. No clogging, no nothing. It also is not sticking to or staining the walls of the cartridge I put it in. So, I'm confident that this ink is perfectly pen safe.
My one suggestion would be to fill the pen using a syringe or some other method so you don't have to dip the nib in the ink. This makes for easier clean up. But either way you should be fine. I also recommend that you flush you pen every one to two fills of this ink. Good pen hygiene=happy pens!
Further Note: When I write a review of an ink I strive to provide the most accurate account of my experiences as possible. My comments about the ink sticking to the dip pen nib should not be misconstrued as a denunciation of this ink. I, in fact, love it and it will likely see heavy rotation in my pens. For some reason, that is beyond my understanding, people tend to have a visceral kind of reaction to Noodler's ink as if it is the devil or something. I am not one of those who subscribes to that sort of nonsense. I have several bottles of Noodler's ink, including two other bulletproof inks, and I use them without reservation!
Now for the pictures:
Here is a comparison for reference:
Here are a set of swabs meant to test this ink's bulletproofness. This test was performed on 24# copy paper. As you can see A little of the blue dye is lifted when it come in contact with liquid; otherwise, this ink isn't going anywhere. I got a little carried away with the soapy water test and actually did remove some of the paper. The ink is still there!
No affil.
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amused